Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
