What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
