i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
