honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize