she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
