I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sorry my hands just texted you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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