Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
