batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
