And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
