Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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