I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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