you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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