I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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