if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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