you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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