we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize