Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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