I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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