how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
