Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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