how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
