I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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