took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
