i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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