God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
