I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
