I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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