lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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