She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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