Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
