Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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