Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
