i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
