there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
