I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize