it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
