don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
