Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
