I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
