my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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