Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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