mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
