So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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