i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
