He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
