Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
