dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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