I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
