God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
