i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
