So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
