i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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