May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
