I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So. Much. Porn.
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