Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
