And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize