Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
