Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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