I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
