even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
