cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
