I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
