you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
