margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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