I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
