she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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