Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
