What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
