yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
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