So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
