it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
