So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Mom said you looked used
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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