What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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