Welp...herpes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
