i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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