ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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