My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
