i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm at about main and main street
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
